i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
