What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize