he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
