I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
