if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize