do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
