I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Can Purell be used as lube?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
