I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
