I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
