Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
