I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
