I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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