I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
