I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
