Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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