hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
