i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
