So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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