we have pet lesbian snakes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
