I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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