i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're so committed to being not committed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
