Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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