I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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