No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize