I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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