My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
