3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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