she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
