Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
