i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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