we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
