i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
