why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
