You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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