Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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