Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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