It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
