Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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