3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dick has a subreddit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
