I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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