How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
