oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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