i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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