I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
