Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
