found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
