Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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