I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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