shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
