Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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