Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
