Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
