i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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