yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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