If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
