im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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