he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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