discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
