Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
