I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
