Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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