This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
