oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
