I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
