I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
