I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
