if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
