josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
