my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
