That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
