i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize