So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize