I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize