he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
