I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
