she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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