at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
