You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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