Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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