come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize