I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
