Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
