my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
