my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
