Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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