From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize