he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
