no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
