saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize