Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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