Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
These tits shall not be calmed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
