Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
