Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
